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Sunday, January 3, 2016

Making A Murderer Thoughts

Like the rest of the free world, I finished watching Making A Murderer this weekend in a total of like 4 sittings for the 10 hour-long episodes.  The only thing I could think of the entire time (besides the obvious feelings of watching a gross miscarriage of justice unfold in front of my eyes) was that all parties involved are Packer fans.  Seriously, the people that live here should be absolutely ashamed of their government.  I say it like that because I like throwing hard shade at Wisconsin whenever possible, but it's scary to think that this type of thing (probably not this extent) can and probably does elsewhere.  

I'm not a lawyer, and I'm certainly not smart enough to speak on the issues at hand here with any real legitimacy behind it, so I will leave that to the real adults, but I am certainly going to make fun of these fucks.  Without further ado, a list, in no particular order, of people from Making A Murderer who deserve to get punched in the fucking face.

Len Kachinsky, Brendan Dassey's public defender, either corrupt, stupid, or both.



Seriously FUCK Len Kachinsky.  This fucking idiot let his client (a 16 year old kid with learning disabilities) get interviewed by two detectives who clearly had an agenda who fed him their story and then bullied him into a bullshit confession when they didn't get what they wanted.  The kid was railroaded, and the public defender allowed it to happy with a dopey fucking smile on his face.  This fuck looks like William H. Macy's character in Fargo and he may even be a worse guy.

Second point--you know how sometimes people write their grocery lists or a phone number in pen on the back of their hand so they can remember?  I think that everyone should get the word "LAWYER!!!!" tattooed on the back of their hand so that they remember what to do in case they ever get arrested.

Mike Halbach, Theresa's brother, victim, easily manipulated idiot.



I didn't even know this fucking smug idiot worked for the Packers but it's too perfect.  Now obviously I have a lot of sympathy for this guy because he lost a family member in the worst possible way.  But the way that he grandstanded around during the trial, the way that he stood up for press conferences and openly rooted for Steve Avery and Brendan Dassey to get convicted was just too much for me.  There was not nearly enough evidence to satisfy "beyond reasonable doubt" yet he was just so certain that they had the right guys.  The prosecution played him like a fiddle and he got taken hook, line, and sinker.

Fuck the Packers.

Aaron Rodgers, quarterback, lameo try hard


Whoops how did that get there?

Michael O'Kelly, Kachinsky's investigator, blubbering fuckhead.



When poor Brendan maintained his innocence, this fuck bullied him into ANOTHER bullshit confession and then called Kachinsky after and almost dislocated his shoulder patting himself on the back.  I hope he has a hard time living with himself.  I hope he is sad forever.  Started crying over a ribbon on the stand in the appeal of Dassey's conviction.  Fuck this guy and his stupid fucking mustache.

Fassbender, detective, fuckhead



Coerced a special needs minor into a bullshit confession.  Was a pawn in a conspiracy and didn't even realize it.  Suck 500 dicks, Fassbender, you fuck.

Ken Kratz, DA of Calumet County, misogynist creep.




Ken Kratz probably smells like Miller Lite and sadness.  He is a fat disgusting fuck and an embarrassment to the law.  He was later outed as a total creep by targeting domestic violence victims for sex.  There is no one in the state of Wisconsin who deserves the business end of a World Star video more than he does.

I think the theory that makes the most sense to me about the show is that Avery was framed and to me the smoking gun is the blood vial with a hole in it like a needle was stuck in there, coupled with the blood in Theresa's car that was unaccompanied by finger prints.  Lenk and Colborn in my mind killed Theresa and planted the evidence in retaliation for the lawsuit.  Fire take?  Probably, but I've already prefaced this by saying I'm in no way qualified to give an opinion worth listening to, so I just make lists of people I wanna punch and leave the real issues here to the adults. 

I feel so, so, so bad for poor Brendan.  His whole life was ahead of him and he was railroaded because he was an easy target for the police in my mind.  He did  not have the mental capacity to even comprehend what was happening to him and that's why he made such a perfect target.  My heart sank when he confessed to the murder and then he called his mom and asked her is she would tape WWE for him that night so he could watch it later.  He just utterly did not understand what was happening.  No one deserves a competent defense more than he does, the person who cannot defend himself, and he was let down by the system.  I'm left with such a bad taste in my mouth.

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